Winter Sunshine
by winternym
Summary: Edward's thoughts as he gets ready to step into the sunset for the last time. Chapter 20 of New Moon, Edward's POV. Rated for attempted suicide, but it's canon, so it shouldn't be much of an issue.


A/N: I'm guessing that there are a few of these fics out- the books, in Edward's point of view

_**A/N: I'm guessing that there are a few of these fics out- the books, in Edward's point of view. But still, you can have no idea how exciting the idea was once it formed in my mind. It was like a foggy glass window had just been cleaned. Without further ado, here it is!**_

"_Bella- she jumped off a cliff, Edward- she killed herself."_

Rosalie's words rang through me head, like some sort of chant. They were my worst nightmare, those words- Bella, gone. The meteor in my sky had disappeared over the horizon- she was gone. Gone for good. If I were human, I would have stabbed myself the moment Rose told me.

"_- She killed herself."_

How could I be so stupid? I was so positive that she was only human, that her mind would wander and that she would find someone else. But I thought about it. If she had left me, told me she didn't love me anymore and promised that she would never see me again, what would I do? The same thing I was doing now. The only thing that could kill me.

Aggravating the Volturi.

"_You… don't…want me?" Bella asked, fear in her eyes, and pain- pain that had stabbed my heart like a thousand knives. But even worse, she believed me. I wished she would think I was joking, get angry at my lying, or even stand still, without flinching. Suddenly, I thought that this was my worst nightmare again. I could see that I was as good as killing her, but the monster in my head told me to continue._

"_No."_

I closed my eyes, letting the pain of my reckless actions overwhelm me. I was a monster. That cruel being in my head had completely taken over my existence. Bella was wrong, I was a horrible creature, capable of afflicting things far worse than death.

I could hear the bubbly excitement in the voices of the mortals- the mortals, whom I had once thought to be blind… things. It wasn't their fault that it was our best interest to keep them unknowing. Well, their best interest. Still, they were smarter than I'd thought… at least, until I'd met Bella. I cringed. Thinking of her was so painful…

"_Do it now," _the voice whispered. _"Then you'll be with her."_

As horrible as that thought was, that if- and only if- there was an afterlife for us- Bella would join my side in hell, my tense body relaxed. I loved Bella. I was doing this for that love, and I would never stop loving her as long as I would be dead. Even I didn't have an afterlife, my love for her would never taint. I took a step toward the sun, not putting me directly under its' light but barely staying in the shadows. The clock tower, or Palazzi dei Priori, began to chime. Six chimes, and the Volturi would kill me. Not that that wasn't what I was hoping for. Living while Bella wasn't living…

"_Edward_!" yelled a high pitched, feminine voice. Alice, of course. "_Edward_!" The clock tolled again. I could hear children yelling, but Alice's voice stayed. "_Edward, no_!" she screamed. Her voice sounded… odd, but I didn't expect her to sound normal right now. I tried to read her mind, one last time, but couldn't. The chaos was probably why. The clock tolled again.

"_No! Edward, look at me!_" Why would I? I listened for the last chime. It came. It felt so long, like it was never ending. I smiled, lifting my foot into the sun. And then she slammed into me, and I knew it wasn't Alice. Her skin was soft, and warm, and her hair was so familiar, brown, beautiful waves of thick hair. And her aroma, her floral scent, it filled my lungs with pleasure and desire, filling my head with amazement, as always.

I clutched Bella lightly, and pulled her toward me with the gentle force of my arms. I must be dead, I thought, there's no other explanation. I slowly opened my hungry eyes, searching her face lovingly. I couldn't hide my surprise.

"Amazing," I said, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."

"Edward," she told me, gasping for air, "you've got to get back into the shadows! You have to move!" But she was wrong. We were dead, and I never imagined how wonderful it would be. I brushed my hand softly against her cheek. The clock tolled again… if it was the same clock.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing- they're very good," I mused, pressing my lips against her hair. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey out of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_," I said, quoting Romeo- I knew Bella would like that. The clock chimed for the last time.

"You smell exactly the same as always," I went on. "So maybe this _is _hell. I don't care. I'll take it." As long as I was here with Bella.

"I'm not dead," she interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move," she begged, "They can't be far away!" I could feel her struggling in my arms, which I instinctively held her tighter with, feeling astounded. "What was that?"

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Voluri-" I could have cried, if I were human, as I realized that we were both still alive, and together, and that was the only thing that mattered. I didn't care about her jumping off a cliff, I didn't care about Alice, or Carlisle, I just cared about Bella. I spun her around until her back was up against the wall, and stood protectively in front of her. A low snarl emerged from my throat. She was alive, and no one would change that.


End file.
